My Poem about Insecurities

By: Julia Magdei

I wrote this poem in the beginning of 2021 when I was fifteen. I was entering for the county’s poetry contest, and I thought that you had to create your own poem to enter. Little did I know that it wasn’t designed to showcase my work, but the work of other poets. I put my poem aside, and I chose two poems that I really admired. I had placed 3rd in the county by the end, and I was proud of myself for trying. However, at the time that I wrote the poem you are about to read, I was going through a great deal of obstacles. It was the pandemic where the whole country was shut down. I didn’t get out of my house. I was isolated. I had anxiety that escalated when I got into my Sophomore year of high school. I was taking two advanced, extremely challenging classes that I had to complete in 6 weeks. My mental health was suffering. As a result, I was reacting negatively to myself and my self-worth. I had always remembered this poem, but I didn’t have a place to demonstrate what I had created. In this poem, you are going to witness some of the many thoughts I had gone through at the time. If you are dealing with this now, I wish you hope, peace, and clarity. Reach out to us at Baler Gazette if you need a friend.

Insecurities

“As I look up in the mirror

I face myself and stare

For I wonder of so many thoughts

That seem to fill my mind with despair

What are these bumps all over my cheeks?

Is there a blemish on my chin?

Oh dear, this can’t be a wrinkle!

And I continue to hate on my skin

Next my eyes move to my body

Which I cannot seem to face

For every time I look at it 

My mind continues to race

Why isn’t my body like the others

That I see on the media every day?

And why hadn’t the results appeared

Of the workout I did yesterday?

These ever-occurring thoughts

Could flood my head everyday

Like an ongoing wave of emotions

That cannot seem to wash away

As I walk away from the mirror

I try to clear my head

And instead of staring at myself

I bring myself to my bed

Sitting there all by myself

I decide to pick up my phone

It would only be for a little while

Until my thoughts had blown

Scrolling past TikTok and Instagram

New insecurities enter my head

And instead of knocking at the door

They let themselves in instead

I decide to put down my phone

And instead pull out a chair

I grab the latest magazine

And read of the latest affairs

As I glance at all the models

My mind’s still not at ease

For when I see their airbrushed faces

My doubts are not appeased

An hour passed, and I get up

To try and do something new

But as I walk around my room

There isn’t much to do

I find my thoughts returning back

And filling my mind to the top

Until my head starts to ache

And I can’t seem to make them stop 

I slouch down on the floor

And contemplate the life before me

Is this how I want my life?

Could I open my eyes and see?

As I walk back to the bathroom

I return back to step one

And looking back at the mirror

I notice all the damage I had done

My eyes are full of water

And my face is flushed and red

And only now I recognize the thoughts

That were filling up my head

I question the ways of our society

I question the ways of life now

Would this be the way we would want our children

To grow up and allow?

If only I could let myself

To just take a look and see

That not every little insecurity

Was as important to you as to me

Then why do I care so much about something

That obviously doesn’t define me?

Why do I cry to myself everyday

About something as insignificant as a flea?

We have to get to the root of our problem

In order to overcome and grow

Our age of individuals will end up helpless

Unless we realize to let go

Let go of self-doubt

Let go of popularity

Let go of the little insecurities

That continue to face you and me

Let go of worrying if a face is symmetrical

Or if our eyebrows are the same shape

We were made to all be different

And these thoughts are what we need to escape

Social media is an instigator of lies

When there’s lack of confidence, it thrives

If we continue to condone its negativities

How will it impact our lives?

For I am only a teenager

But already I can see

That the life in which I am living

Is not the life in which it should be

We need to change the way we pertain society

And stand together as a whole

Until these endless insecurities 

No longer define our souls”

This poem talks about how our society is shaping our inner thoughts in a negative light. Now, we have to work together and find constructive ways to better ourselves, the people surrounding us, and our flawed society.